Today was a Bad Day.

It's okay, though. I spent twenty-five dollars on magazines, and now I'm going to go get into bed and read them.

Tomorrow will be better.

Honest Scrap

Last week, Anna tagged me as an Honest Scrap!

Thanks, Anna! (You should all read her blog- it's so cute, and makes me think that maybe grad school isn't so scary, after all.)

Anyway, Honest Scraps tell you ten honest things about themselves. I talk about myself so much already, I tend to avoid these things, but I love Anna's blog and I was touched that she tagged me (nobody had ever been tagged me before, then she and Rhianne went and did it within 24 hours of each other!), so here goes:

1. I am a crier. I cry when I'm sad, but mostly, I cry when I'm angry. Whenever I argue with someone, before I can get my point across, I usually burst into tears. The loud, dramatic, ugly kind. I'm not sure why, but I think it has something to do with the fact that. . .

2. I'm not very articulate. It takes me forever to get to the point, and I usually don't realize exactly what I'm trying to say until a couple sentences in. When I write, I can fix it with editing, but when I talk, it's just awkward.

3. I can be really shy. I have a loud voice and I shout a lot, so people don't believe me, but I developed those habits in part to cover up the fact that I just didn't know what to say or how to talk to new people. It's gotten lots better as I've gotten older, but it still comes out every now and then.

4. I secretly worry that I'm really, really stupid.

5. I am one of the more melodramatic individuals you'll meet. I feel all my feelings in a big way. Sometimes, I feel bad about it. Sometimes, I like that about myself.

I know that's only five, but it's late and I need to get to bed. I'm not going to tag anybody (I'm shy about stuff like that), but please, do play along. It's fun to be an honest scrap!

Also

I also made panzanella for lunch. It's really remarkable how far some stale bread, tomatoes, olive oil and basil can go to making you feel better.

It will work out. I know it.

I am feeling a little discouraged today. Sometimes I feel like I will never find a job, that I will mess up every opportunity that comes my way.

But, see, the thing is, I know that the only way to overcome all these icky feelings (I've said before that I love feelings, and I do, but right now I'd like some more of the happy ones, please) is to focus on the things that make me happy, the things that are going right. So I took a break from the job hunt and turned on the fountain in our backyard. When I sit in the hammock and listen to the fountain, I feel like everything will be okay. It will all work out.

I know it will.

I just did something I didn't want to do.

It was very scary.

But now I feel brave.

Sooki

In other news, we got a kitten.
It's weird to write about stupid stuff like kittens when someone just died. Sooki, however, has been helping out around here. Whenever I get grumpy (I feel like I don't really deserve to be sad since Liz and I had grown apart and we're not, like, family or anything, and then I get conflicted, because she was an amazing person and she didn't deserve to die, and then I get grumpy because I'm conflicted, but that's more about my feelings than you really needed to know), Sooki comes up, clawing her way up my legs, and starts playing with my finger. She hasn't figured out that it's just a finger yet. She thinks its a wild animal.
She also enjoys doing this while you try to sleep. Then it isn't as cute.

Vulnerability

I've realized recently that I feel the most vulnerable when I've done something I'm not proud of.
Does that make sense? I get more worried that people don't like me or that people find me annoying when I've done something mean or when I've gossiped about somebody than any other time.
It's just my conscience trying to tell me to be a better person, I guess.

Illustrious readership of five, when do you feel vulnerable?